December 08, 2011

Sucking It Up

I am a lifelong fan of the Cleveland Browns and the Pittsburgh Pirates.  I have been a Blue Jackets fan since day one. I have endured 18 straight losing seasons by the Pirates. I have endured The Drive, The Fumble and having my heart ripped out when the Browns moved to Baltimore. When that happened, I did not become a free agent and sell my NFL allegiance to the highest bidder. I simply sat and waited. And for my patience I was rewarded with an expansion team three years later. And then there's the Blue Jackets.

Some people tell me that I am cursed. I prefer not to look at it that way. Rather, I am an expert on suck.

I live with a perpetual frown on my face. My favorite color is black. If I had a theme song it would be Born Under a Bad Sign because, when it comes to pro sports, hard luck and trouble is my only friend. I've been on my own ever since I was ten.

And tonight I find myself at the crossroads of a dilemma. The Browns play their fiercest rival, the Pittsburgh Steelers. At roughly the same time, the Blue Jackets play perhaps their fiercest rival, the Nashville Predators. Which one do I watch? Some would say, who gives a rat's ass? And the answer is: me. And maybe a few other people. It's lonely here at the South Pole of Suck.

Picking which of these games to watch is like trying to decide if I should have a root canal or a colonoscopy. The Browns are now mathematically eliminated from the NFL playoff picture. The Blue Jackets have a 0.3% probability of making the NHL playoffs. But they still have a chance. Plus, watching the Jackets lately hasn't really sucked all that much (as long as you go to the bathroom and get a fresh coldie during the last two minutes of any period). On top of that, I already paid for tickets to the CBJ game. And Dancing Kevin is going to be there. I love that dude.

So, I'm going to the Blue Jackets game. I'm sorry Brownies. You know I love you. Even if your stadium is a "factory of sadness." 


  1. Could be worse. You could be a Bengals fan like me.

  2. Really? You swept us this year.

  3. I understand your pain - Browns, Jackets, and Tribe fan, here.

    Nobody loves me but my mother (and she could be jivin' too).