September 28, 2011

Brendan Shanahan to NHL: Do As I Say, Not As I Did

It's been a long off-season slumber. Other than a brief flurry of posts related to Cannonfest, I just haven't felt inspired. Even the off-season acquisitions of Jeff Carter, James Wisniewski, and Vinnie Prospal couldn't wake me from my apathy-induced nap.

But that changed when Wiz was suspended for 12 games, including 8 of the kind that matter. At first, like most people, I was shocked. Then I got pissed. I waited a day to see if I would simmer down. As it turns out, I am simmering up. Consider me stoked and ready to roll.

Just to be clear, I do not take issue with Wiz getting suspended for his actions, although like many I believe the punishment was excessive (by about 3 games). Nor do I take exception with the NHL cracking down on hits to the head, cheap shots and the like. But I have a big problem with them picking a certified d-bag to be the "new sheriff in town".

Finally feeling some inspiration to fire up the blogmobile and leave the blog cave, I took a virtual slide down the blog pole and did a Google search. Three words: "Brendan Shanahan hypocrite".  The first search result was the following post by a dude (and I use that term affectionately) in the forums on who goes by the username Humpzilla. It's absolutely brilliant, took a lot of work to put together and says what I wanted to say only more better. With his permission, I present it to you in its entirety.

NHL Suspends Brendan Shanahan

NEW YORK - As an act of fairness to the players of today's National Hockey League commissioner Gary Bettman has chosen to suspend NHL Senior Vice President of Player Safety, Brendan Shanahan. To show that the league office is not biased, Shanahan will serve out a 75 game suspension for the following offenses. And to make it more fair, Shanahan will still have to hand out discipline during the preseason.

15 games (headbutt)

10+ games. Intent to injure

10 games for a careless stick to the head

(Continued after the break)

10 games (targeting the head)

5 games for jumping Fatchuck

5 games (sucker punch)

5 games (boarding)

5 games (cross check to the face)

5 games (targeting the head)

5 games (sucker punch)

$250 thousand dollar fine for upsetting feminists and or GLAAD

Visit Humpzilla's profile on

1 comment:

  1. Better add a few more for general douchebaggery.