The Grass is Getting Greener in Columbus

Over the past decade, the return of color to the grass in Columbus means two things.  1. The Blue Jackets are out of the playoff race.  2. It's time to take the shrink-wrap off of the golf clubs and start limbering up.

Image created by Kevin Trotman.

As another season without a post-season is about to be laid to rest, there are some fans - and I do mean fans, people that are still watching the games and will go down with the ship - who are already deep into the obligatory mourning period. They want to put this season behind them and get a head start on the healing process so they can enjoy the spring and summer months without the bitter hockey aftertaste.  One of those persons is my friend Joe.

I've mentioned Joe on FMJ previously. Joe is hard core. He is a 40 year old flag carrying Blue Jackets fan who has been a season ticket holder since Day One. He is what I like to call a Union Blue Blooder. I watch a lot of games with Joe. I also talk with him at length throughout the year about the Blue Jackets, golf and the price of chicken wings.

So last night, as we were watching the Blue Jackets game (while everybody else in the establishment was watching basketball), Joe and I ate some wings and lamented that it was time to call in the priest (pardon the pun) and give this season its last rites. I could tell that Joe wanted to blow off some steam.

"You look a little pissed off," I observed. 

"You know what literally makes me cringe?" he asked. Joe came prepared. He pulled a small piece of paper from his shirt pocket and proceeded to read from it like a David Letterman Top Ten List.

10. "The Blue Jackets have outshot the (fill in opposing team name) but trail where it counts most. . . . in goals.”
9.  "The Blue Jackets have outhit the (fill in opposing team name) but trail where it counts most . . . in goals."
8.  "Jackets on the POWER PLAYYYYYYYYYYY!"
7.  "The Jackets will now have a 5 on 3 man advantage."
6.  "Off the post!"
5.  "After further review, no goal!"
4.  "Mason has really settled down after the first period and now the Jackets have to figure out a way to get the puck in the net."
3.  "Jackets fans, renew your season tickets now!"
2. "The Jackets will head to a shootout when we come back."  

"And the number one thing that makes me cringe when I hear it is  . . . . "You've gotta see it LIVE!"

Joe paused, taking in a deep and cleansing breath. "There," he exclaimed. "I feel better already." He ate a chicken wing and washed it down with a satisfying sip of beer. He looked relieved.

"Anything else?" I asked.

 

"Yes", he answered. "When does golf league start?"

NOTE: Steph Greegor from The Other Paper penned an entertaining article about the Blue Jackets flagging playoff chances. Steph offered up some creative advice on how the team might increase its odds, including this:

"Better yet, Jackets players in the Twitterverse—R.J. Umberger, Derick Brassard, Scottie Upshall and Sami Lepisto—could start following “Hockey Jobu” (@HockeyJobu), created by Fourth Period hockey writer Greg May. They could collectively start offering a steady sacrifice of Marlboros and whiskey to help the team earn those premium playoff points in their last 13 games."

I would like to state for the record that I did not in fact create Hockey Jobu. While I am flattered by the mention, I had nothing to do with discovering Hockey Jobu and teaching him how to set up a blog. Nor do I want Hockey Jobu to think that I am taking credit for his generous acts of voodoo magic. Just to be safe, I offer a box of Cohiba Siglo VI's, a bottle of Santiago de Cuba Ron Anejo and a plate of Cuban fried chicken with black bean sauce and ask Hockey Jobu to forgive Ms. Greegor, The Other Paper, the Blue Jackets and me for what certainly was an innocent mistake.