Will the Real Steve Mason Please Stand Up?

ANNOUNCER: Welcome to another edition of . . . . To Tell the Truth.

[Curtain rises, revealing three young men dressed up in Columbus Blue Jackets goaltender gear]

ANNOUNCER: Number 1, what is your name please?

NUMBER 1: My name is Steve Mason.

ANNOUNCER: Number 2, what is your name please?

NUMBER 2: My name is Steve Mason.

ANNOUNCER: Number 3, what is your name?

NUMBER 3: My name is Steve Mason.

ANNOUNCER: Follow along once again, panelists, if you will. I, Steve Mason, am a Canadian professional hockey player for the Columbus Blue Jackets in the NHL. I was selected 69th overall in the 2006 NHL Entry Draft by the Blue Jackets.I spent three season playing major junior hockey in the Ontario Hockey League for the London Knights and the Kitcher Rangers. In 2007 I was named OHL Goaltender of the Year. I won a gold medal with Team Canada at the 2008 World Junior Championships and was named tournament MVP and Best Goaltender. Lately, I've been an enigma, shutting teams down in some games like a Stone Wall - the nickname I earned in 2008-09 - while in others looking like a drunk bullfighter without a red cape.

OK panel, all three of these men claim to be Steve Mason. Obviously, only one of them can be the real Steve Mason. Your job is to figure out which one it is.  Let's start with our first panelist, Boomer.

BOOMER: Well, I'm afraid I am going to have to disqualify myself.

ANNOUNCER: Why?

BOOMER: Well, since you asked, my status as an official mascot for the Blue Jackets is "up in the air" shall we say, and I have been instructed to keep as low a profile as possible. As you can see, I am a tall, inflatable cannon and, quite honestly, it's somewhat difficult to keep a low profile. So I think it would be best if I just "hung" out off stage at this point.

[Laugh track]

ANNOUNCER: Very well. Let's proceed to our second panelist, Stinger.

STINGER: Number 1: On Monday night in Calgary, you were pulled 4 minutes and 25 seconds into the game after after giving up 2 goals on 4 shots. What happened?

NUMBER 1: Well, I don't like throwing my teammates under the bus, but generally when I play badly everyone else says that the defense didn't play very well in front of me.

STINGER: OK. Number 2: On Saturday night, at home against the Rangers, you looked like the 2008-09 Steve Mason. You made some big saves, looked like you were solidly in control of your faculties and kept the Blue Jackets in the game until they could muster up some offense late in the 3rd period. How do you go from being so good to so bad in the space of 48 hours?

NUMBER 2: Hey I'm only 22 years old. Give me a break. I'm still developing my confidence.

STINGER: Number 3: Recently the Blue Jackets sent another young player, Nikita Filatov, to Springfield in the AHL to learn how to play well and to play consistently. Why shouldn't they do the same thing with you?

NUMBER 3:  Well, who would you call up to take my place on the roster? Don't say Gustaf Wesslau. Have you seen his numbers lately?  If you think I'm struggling, how does a 3.81 Goals Against Average and a .874 Save Percentage grab you? And David LeNeveu isn't exactly lighting it up either.

ANNOUNCER: And now let's go to our final panelist, Doug MacLean.

MACLEAN: Well, first off, I would like to say that the Blue Jackets marketing people should have taken my advice and made their new mascot in my likeness. Everybody already thought I was a [expletive deleted].

[Extended laugh track]

ANNOUNCER: Well, I sure hope we don't have any lip-readers in our audience.

[Laugh track]

MACLEAN: My apologies. Mr. Mason Number 1: After a string of dominant starts in November, you have a 4.13 GAA  and a .873 save percentage in December. How are the fans, let alone the coaches, supposed to know if you are getting ready to go on a hot streak or a not streak?

NUMBER 1: Why don't you go [expletive deleted].

[Laugh track]

MACLEAN: OK then. Mr. Mason Number 2: How would you answer that question?

NUMBER 2: Umm. Well, you could eliminate the dilemma by starting Matthieu Garon and hope that I figure it out at some point in the season. I think I would make a pretty nifty backup goaltender at a cap hit of only $905,000.

MACLEAN: Interesting. Number 3, true or false: I was one of the greatest General Managers of my time.

NUMBER 3: True. You found me didn't you?

ANNOUNCER: OK panelists, time to make your selections. Vote for Number 1, Number 2 or Number 3. [Pause]. Have you made your selections? Let's start with Stinger. Who do you think is the real Steve Mason?

STINGER: [Starts banging on a hand-held snare drum]

ANNOUNCER: Please stop that. You are scaring the kids in the audience. You know that's why they came up with Boomer, don't you? Your selection please?

STINGER: You're right. I'm sorry. I vote for Number 2. I think he is honest and forthright and I liked the answer he gave to Doug's question.

ANNOUNCER: Doug? Who did you select?

MACLEAN: Well, I chose Number 1 and  Number 3. I believe there are two Steve Masons, the "old Mason" and the "new Mason". There should be only one Steve Mason, but he was rushed along in his development because the team didn't really have enough depth at goaltender and they were desperate. All this pressure to win and win now has proven to be too much for the kid. But you can't blame that on me! I was long gone and working at a Citgo when all that happened.

[Laugh track]

ANNOUNCER: Alright. Now we have come to the moment of truth. Will the real Steve Mason please stand up!

[Number 2 starts to stand up, then sits back down. Numbers 1 and 3 stand up].

ANNOUNCER: Well there you have it. Doug MacLean is our winner by correctly selecting both Number 1 and Number 3 as the real Steve Masons.

MACLEAN: That's right! And I just want to say that this would have never happened with Mason if you wouldn't have canned me, Columbus! Listen up NHL: I've still got it. Call me! Don't forget, I drafted Rick Nash! And Rusty Klesla! Have you seen his plus/minus lately? I'm the man I tell ya . . . . .

ANNOUNCER: I'm afraid that's all the time we have for today. Our contestants will receive gently used, authentic game-worn third jerseys from the Columbus Blue Jackets. Good night everybody.

[Exit music]